


Red Hands and White Knuckles

by brodylover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-05-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 09:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodylover/pseuds/brodylover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sacrifice. Cas is human and hiding and Dean finally gets him to come out, but only with his lips and fingers will Cas come with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red Hands and White Knuckles

Cas was leaning back on the headboard of one of the spare beds. There were a lot of spare rooms and Cas had chosen the one the furthest away from Dean's, estranging himself from everyone. When he left the room he was quick, sneaky, trying not to be seen. He would grab leftovers, Dean always made too much, hoping that Cas would actually eat with them, and rush back to his room. He didn't want to be seen. He didn't want Dean to see him. 

His posture was different, his back hunched, his knees to his chest, and he never made eye contact. Dean was in the room, having let himself in after knocking, tired of waiting for Cas to come out on his own. It had been a week and he knew Cas, knew that he must be punishing himself for everything that was happening. 

He knew that he wasn't alright.

He knew that a lot of it was his fault.

Cas pulled away, made himself even tighter as Dean sat on the bed beside him, reaching out to him. 

"Will you look at me, Cas?" he asked, his voice hesitant. He wasn't angry and he didn't want Cas to think that he was. He wanted to control his voice through the entirety of this. 

Cas's eyes flashed onto his face, meeting his own for a moment and then they were down again, his whole head turning so his hair hid all of him. 

"Cas." Dean tried again but then decided to leave it, forge onward. "You know what Sam said to me that night? He said that the worst thing he could think of, the thing that he confessed to in order to be purified, was letting me down."

He paused too long and Cas spoke, his voice trembling and wrong, more high pitched, less rough than it had been before. He sounded human and like his sorrow was an ocean and it was leaking through his words, rushing with waves. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have listened. I should have done as I was told. Every chance I could I betrayed you. Every time you took me back and I took it for granted. I failed you. I let you down, over and over again."

Dean grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him quiet. "No!" and his own voice was trembling. "Don't. Don't do that, okay? You don't need to apologize, if this something about atoning, just don't okay? I have a point here and I need to make it."

Cas shrunk in and he was a black hole of self loathing. Dean's fingers found each other on Cas's back as he forced him forward, making him accept an embrace.

"Sam felt that way because of me." Dean confessed. "I never told him. I never let him know how much he means to me. I'm bad with my words Cas and they made him feel like he was the problem. I... I failed you Cas, not the other way around. I'm so bad at this, at talking, I never let you know why I needed you, what that meant, I never thanked you, not enough, anyway. I always took you for granted."

Cas opened up, just a little bit and Dean could see a small amount of pink in his cheeks. His nose was a terribly dark shade of red, as were his eyes, and it was clear that his voice had trembled as he tried not to cry. Dean hated himself for that. 

"I'm going to try to be better, Cas." Dean explained, "I'm going to try to be better with my words." he didn't want to say the next part, even though it was what prompted the rest. It was uncomfortable and hard and he didn't know how the former angel would react. What if Cas responded negatively? Neither one of them could just poof and vanish now. 

"I, oh wow, how do I even say this?" Dean finally looked away, had to look away. Cas was staring at him, staring deep into him as if there was still a spark of Grace left. Not looking, it made it easier, "I love you, okay? Would it be alright if I loved you Cas?"

Cas's fingers were hesitant and afraid as they touched Dean's bare arm. They were warm and once he found a grip he clenched, holding tight. Dean could feel them trembling and when he looked back at Cas the man's head was down once more, his back racked with shivers. 

He was trying to stay quiet. He was failing at it, but as the sobs burst through him he clung to Dean, never letting him go. 

"I'm sorry." Dean winced, stroking his back. "I.. I shouldn't I know. I knew you wouldn't feel the same but I... I had to say it."

Cas clutched tighter, pulling Dean in so he could cry openly against Dean, ruining his thin shirt with his tears. That was something, right? If Cas didn't want Dean's love he wouldnt be so vulnerable in front of him, would have sent him away. 

"I." Cas choked out. "I've needed. Hear that. For... For so long."

Dean smiled. So there was something there, it wasn't just rusty people skills and a profound bond. It was more than that. He took Cas's cheeks in his hands, lifted him so he could see the messy wet face and chuckled as he kissed away the tears, seeing Cas smile a bit more broadly with each peck. 

"I love you." Dean mouthed against where the water had collected in stubble.

"I love you." Dean pressed into the heavy dark bags under Cas's eyes.

"I love you." Dean slid into the crease between Cas's nose and cheek. 

Then he could no longer say it, for his lips were stolen, his breath halted as Cas pressed into him, fingers in his hair, tongue and teeth and lips clashing. Cas devoured him, needing that love for so long, for decades, for centuries. He had needed Dean's love since before the man had even been born and no one else's would do. 

Cas kissed at each freckle and each line, making up for the millions of kisses he had wished to plant when at Dean's side. He pressed Dean down into the mattress, fingers everywhere, snagging in his shirt and making it ride up and then kissing the soft skin, the hidden muscles, there. Dean laughed against his stubble, tickling him, and Cas did more, trying to draw out those little noises. 

As innocent and new as it was, Dean couldn't help but get hard at Cas's loving pecks and possessive kisses, his roaming fingers and eyes. He grabbed Cas, hard, and flipped them, making himself the one on top. 

"No." he stopped Cas from trying to take control, "No, Cas. I'm sorry I never let you know, that I allowed you to feel unloved for so long. You should have never had to-

"Shut up." Cas barked. Dean stilled, surprised. Cas had never spoken like that before, not without a blade in his hand, and Dean had never gotten used to that tone. "Shut up." he repeated and his voice was softer, needier, "I've loved you eternities Dean. So shut up and do something, please!"

Dean kissed him once more and ground down, fucking his boxers and jeans and Cas's slacks and whatever underwear he had and cock underneath. He was fully hard and Dean didn't know when that had happened but that didnt matter because the sound that Cas made into his mouth. It was so high and lustful and blasphemous and it sounded do much like "please" and "more" that Dean had no choice but to rut against him again. 

He moved without thought, kept pressing against Cas, kissing him everywhere. moving his shirt and his tie so he could find more skin to adulterate with his lips. Cas crooned and begged with his short whimpers, tears sliding down his face in silent streams. 

Dean went until he thought Cas was going to come from that alone, precious little virgin that he was. 

"Do you want more?" he asked, staring to make sure. 

Cas nodded, fervently. He clung and whined as Dean pulled away but quieted and smiled as Dean pulled off his shirt, undoing and sliding down his pants, removed his boxers and letting his red and dripping cock slid free, bounce up to his gut. 

Cas did nothing to undress and that was fine. Dean moved slow. He had waited this long for Cas and Cas had waited even longer for him. What could a few more minutes hurt?

He did not remove the tie, although he did slide it up from under the collar of his shirt, gripping it and steering Cas into his kisses, his other hand pressing and opening and blindly fumbling with Cas's buttons. He pulled the shirt open and then off, revealing an old and worn wife beater underneath. He didn't even know Cas wore one. 

He sat in Cas's lap, feeling the hard cock as it slid up and tried to get inside of him. Cas was still in his slacks though and he could do nothing, but the instinctual friction made him moan, his mouth open and lax and he was human, so beautifully human that Dean did nothing, just enjoyed the sensations and watched, for a while. 

Then he pushed Cas down once more, leading him always with his tie and licked and sucked and made the undershirt transparent. He found a nipple and lavished it with his tongue, poked and soaked it until it was a sharp little point and Cas was writhing beneath him. 

He nipped and nuzzled it, fingers going down to untuck the shirt and pull it up. Cas was with him all the way, fingers ghosting over Dean's speckled and cold skin, feeling the raised skin of new scars and a handprint. 

Cas was almost hairless. Sure there was a tiny happy trail leading up from his slacks, but there was hardly anything on his chest. Dean was almost surprised. Cas's hair was so thick, he had expected it to be everywhere. 

For a moment he just stared, taking in all of those acres. He had never seen Cas, not really, had always seen him hiding under layers and layers of clothes, hiding in another man's skin. Now this skin was his and there was no one else he could share it with. 

Cas's skin was clean, not a mole or freckle or scar. Everything was perfect. Except one. There was a tiny little freckle, just above one nipple. Dean smiled. That little flaw, it was an angel. One little angel, black and broken and not right, in a field of the righteous, of angel's that were as they were supposed to be. The freckle looked to Dean as Cas must have in a field of his brethren. 

And for that it was his favorite. 

He kissed and licked at it, making Cas writhe once more beneath him, bucking and biting back moans. Dean rose up as he worked, fingers moving down to Cas's waistband, opening up his slacks and pulling them down. 

Briefs. That answered that question. He pulled them down too. 

He wasn't surprised. Well, he was. This was all so foreign to him. He had never been with a man before and this, well, it was a penis. It was a penis and he was with a man. 

Cas looked down, saw Dean staring, and, still beneath him, crossed his legs, a hand snaking down to hide his erection. 

"My apologies." Cas wouldn't look at him, shoulders hunched, "I should have realized. You don't have to continue if this is a problem."

Dean reached down, grabbing Cas's hand. He didn't pull it away though, but used it, their fingers interlaced, to stroke up Cas's shaft. The man mewled, this former angel of the lord mewled, and Dean was done. Sure, he had a penis, but he knew that going in. It didn't matter. Cas was Cas and he loved him, no matter what. 

"No problems." he promised, tongue swirling as it traced the outlines of Cas's own tongue, sliding up to explore the expanses of his mouth. Cas moaned into his mouth. 

He took both of their cocks into one hand then, aligning and pressing them together. Cas arched his back, losing contact with Dean's mouth and tried not to make a sound. Still he bucked into Dean's hand, doing all of the work and Dean was moaning loudly, never having felt anything like this. He'd never even experimented and girls, well they didn't have the equipment for this. 

"How does it feel?" he asked, needing to hear more of Cas's sounds. Sam was asleep, Kevin was in the library, Crowley was in the dungeon. It was a full house but Dean had a feeling none of them could hear. 

"Ah. Oh God!" Cas was shrill, breathy, not able to find the time for words around little squeals and shudders, "Ah! Fuuuuuck! Dean it. Oh God! It feels so good. You feel so good. Needed this. Forever."

"I know, baby, I know." he said and realized that no, baby wasn't right. Cas didnt need any pet names. 

"More?" he gasped and Dean ground down, almost cruelly and Cas whimpered at the pressure and then he was coming, muscles constricting and relaxing at the same time. Towers fell and angel's crashed to earth and lightning struck and Dean couldnt think of enough cliches and they didnt matter. None of them came close. 

Dean came just moments after, his semen meeting Cas's and mixing on their stomachs. He kissed him once more before collapsing at his side. They were both panting, just trying to breathe. 

"Good?" Dean breathed.

"Amazing." Cas's lids were heavier than normal. So many emotions, and then there was pleasure to boot. He was about to fall asleep, not a care for the cooling liquid on him. "And Dean?"

Dean turned, looking at him, and found Cas holding him, pulling him in and burying his face in his neck. Cas was warm and Dean coiled around him, trying to steal that heat.

"I love you too."


End file.
